Why you should not take your thoughts so seriously.
Our ability to think in complex ways is what distinguishes us humans from other animal species on Earth. Our thinking abilities have promoted our intelligence and creativity as it allows us to:
Store and retrieve memories
Learn new skills, such as learning different languages, learning how to cook, ride a bike etc…
Plan and problem solve
Communicate using speech and body language
Be creative and produce art
Reflect and make decisions/judgements
But what influences the makeup of our thoughts?
Our thoughts are influenced by our underlying belief systems in the way we perceive ourselves, others and the world. Our belief systems are shaped by the interaction between our genetic makeup and the life experiences that we go through (from the moment we were conceived up to the present moment). Our life experiences and the environment we grew up in include our family environment, our social life, our schooling experience, our cultural influences, the influence of social media, your socioeconomic status and so on. Therefore, each and every one of us will view the world through our own unique lens and this lens is shaped, reinforced, but also open to change, as we journey our way through our life experiences.
More often than not, our thoughts are focused on things that we cannot change or are out of our immediate control, that is in recollecting past events or planning for or anticipating the outcome of future events. Such thoughts can lead to feelings of discomfort, including regret, sadness, anger, or anxiety. Moreover, when our thoughts are focused on the present, often we are making some sort of judgement about the situation. For example, it may be a rainy day and you might think “gloomy days make me sad” or “this is the best weather for a sleep in”. Depending on what you think, will influence how you feel and behave in any situation.
When we are focused on situations that are out of our immediate control (past and future events) or if we are not-accepting of the way things have been are how they are at this moment, we will likely find ourselves feeling some sort of emotional discomfort, which can also lead to unhelpful coping patterns. A lot of the time, we are not even aware of our thought processing and as a result our feelings and behaviours can become erratic and we can lose our sense of control and balance over our emotions.
Our emotional reaction to a situation is dependent on how we judge a situation. For example, you could be driving to work and be thinking about how much fun you had over the weekend and feeling good because of it. Suddenly, when someone cuts you off unexpectedly, you may become annoyed or even angry about the other driver because you may be thinking “how reckless can they be for driving like that and interrupt my smooth driving”. Before you know it, your mood has changed from being pleasant to an unpleasant one. This is a small example of how our thoughts can very easily influence our emotions.
To help you better regulate your emotions, it is important to become aware of the content of your thoughts and practice non-judgemental awareness. To practice non-judgemental awareness of the situation, you may simply just notice that the person has “driven quickly in front of you” and if your mind does start creating stories about the other driver, their driving abilities or how it is impacting you, you can choose to notice the thought and instead think to yourself “I am noticing myself have a thought”. The key here is to not judge your thought as good or bad, but simply to be able to notice that you are experiencing a thought (and any emotion that comes with it) and letting both the thought and emotion pass (without force)
One good way to start practicing non-judgemental awareness is to start observing your thoughts when you are brushing your teeth (or even washing the dishes or washing your hands- pretty much any simple activity that you engage in regularly on a daily basis). First, get yourself to focus on the sensations of brushing your teeth, including the smell of your tooth paste, how the bristles feel against your teeth and gums, notice how the toothpaste starts to foam up as you brush and the sounds it makes. Then start to notice what thoughts come to mind as you are brushing your teeth (if any at all) and simply observe your thoughts without judgement, letting each thought (and any emotion that comes with it) to come and go.
A good analogy for this practice of observing your thoughts is to see your thoughts like clouds and allowing yourself to be grounded and simply watch the clouds pass by. Some clouds will linger around longer than others and may feel more intense, but sure enough, these clouds shall too pass.